If you are a parent you have likely at some point or another engaged in duty sex - sex that you had because you felt you had to or felt pressured to - to keep the peace or to keep your partner happy. You don't need to be a sexologist to know that this can have an impact on your relationship. This week we break down a study by Dr. Cami Hurst on Duty sex. We'll talk about

- how duty sex is different than maintenance sex
- how duty sex affects our libido and relationship
- why we engage in duty sex
- and what to do instead 

If you are stuck in a battle about sex, and or even have a hard time talking about it - this episode is a must listen. 

Are you the fun police in your house? Always 10 steps ahead of what your kids and partner need, hardly ever just in the present moment. This could be what's killing your libido. In today's episode of the Sex After Kids Podcast we talk about:

- how stress creates armour against pleasure
- how pleasure is the medicine you need to combat stress and create connection in your life
- what the mental load has to do with libido
- three practical ways to bring pleasure into your life to rebuild your libido after kids

This week's episode is for the new parents out there. If you are a seasoned vet make sure to pass this on to any new and expecting parents you know. We are going to talk about :

- the 6 biggest myths about sex after delivery and how they will create bad habits for your sex life into the future

- my top tips for staying connected through the early years. 

- my favourite tool for reconnecting to your body after baby and feeling safe to start having sex again. 

This is a must listen for partners and pregnant people alike as you navigate all the ways a new human is going to change your life.

This week on the podcast we have guest Michelle Purta, a marriage and communications coach. This week she will guide us through how to start the conversation about our sex life and how to move forward if we are stuck in a cycle argument on this topic. Michelle and I had to record this conversation three times due to some tech glitches so we thank you for your listening patience. 

Together we cover: 

- why conflict is key to growth in your relationship
- why your conversations derail and what to do about it
- the energy its costing you to avoid this conversation
- her fave tips for keeping your conversation on track and successful .

Sofia Ashley

Season: 1

Episode: 24

Avoiding Sex? Support Your/Your Partners Nervous System

Description

In this episode we are doing a deep dive into one of the key ingredients of a great sex life - the nervous system. When we talk about creating safety for ourselves and our partner this is what we mean - working with the nervous system to get out of fight or flight. When your partner is avoiding talking to you about sex, avoids sex, or rushes through sex - there's a nervous system issue happening. When we understand it we can solve it to make sex a fun, safe and playful place to go. 
In this episode Sofia will break down:

- how the nervous system works 
- three key ways it shows up in our sex life 
- what it means when we avoid talking about sex and having sex
- 4 ways to create safety for your nervous system (or your partners).

Friends there is a mild TW on this episode. I share some things from my own life - mostly of just being a woman in the world. Men in particular - this an importance listen and it may raise some discomfort for you. Please sit with it and reach out if you need support. 

In this week's episode of the Sex After Kids Podcast Sex Coach Sofia talks about how your fairy smut, daydreams about your ex and porn usage might be killing your sex life and what to do about it. 

No shade to fantasy, erotica or ethical porn here - and it be both helpful and harmful to our sexual connection. 

In this episode Sofia breaks down:

• how fantasy can fuel great sexpectations that lead to frustration and disapointment

• the part of your brain that is giving up when real life doesn't measure up to your five star fantasy expectations

• how fantasy can provide useful information and fuel for our real life sexy times

• four tips for making fantasy and porn work FOR your sex life instead of against it. 

In this episode Sofia talks about an often overlooked way to reconnect with your body, your pleasure and your libido after kids. We'll cover: 

- why talking to your VJJ is so important 
- 3 ways to get to know your body better (without self pleasure) 
- how becoming BFFS with her VJJ changed the game for her sex life

In this episode, host Sofia shares the lightbulb moment when she realized the parenting tools she was using to support her family to more peaceful moments and cooperation, could help her find more connection and less conflict with her partner, both in and out of the bedroom. Join her as she walks through her five favourite strategies and how they help her to be a better mom, a better partner, and a better human. 

This week on the Sex After Kids Podcast Sofia explores more sex alphabet soup. This week she breaks down:

• One of the biggest misconceptions about sex that will keep you trapped in the monotony of maintenance sex. 

• How opening up to Discovery Mode is going to unlock more excitement and anticipation in your sex life after kids. 

• Why embracing a new P and V (hint they are not penis and vagina) will help you come back from lacklustre and infrequent sexy times after kids. 

Make sure to follow us @thehappyvproject on Instagram 

Grab your Free Reset Roadmap call to unlock your next steps to more fun and flirt after kids or grab the Couple Goals VIP Pass from the Sex After Kids Summit for a years' worth of date nights for less than a dinner date.