I started to let go of my pre-baby body today...

It's been almost two years since a baby came out of my body. 1 year and 22 months and 10 days actually. I stopped breastfeeding at 16 months (six months ago now). And this morning, in the shower, I finally had a full moment of grief for my pre-baby body.

It's something I talk a lot about with my new mammas and something I touch on in my courses. I know it intellectually. Everything has changed. My body doesn't feel like my own. But this morning it really sank in for the first time for me.

I am sad that my body doesn't look or work the way it did. And that's ok.

My thighs are fuller these days.
My bum is more round.
My lower belly has this new ridge and my weight sits differently on me.
My breasts feel heavy, and empty. So much so that when I lay down without a bra they are at risk of being rolled onto and squashed by a nuzzling kid. It's kinda funny really.
My face has hairs and lumps and bumps and a new texture that wasn't there before.

These are neutral observations. They are not judgements.
I am not fat, I am not big, I am not gross.
I am not lumpy, I am not bumpy, I am not frumpy.
I am not "old". My body is just different than it was.

Today I am not trying to pep talk myself. I'm not trying to remind myself how powerful or strong this baby making body is, or tell beauty standards to fuck off (though they should). Today I am allowing myself to sit in my grief. To hold the fact that I can be sad that my body has changed and know also that I will come back to myself, and feel at home in my new home in time.

I washed away my tears in the shower, let the grief fall of me and go down the drain. I released it, and will continue to release it, so a new self can emerge.

Much love to all today.

Wherever you are at on your journeys. Xo