5 Ways to Connect with Your Partner in Under 3 Minutes
It's easy to lose ourselves in business management of the house and even easier to lose ourselves in our own heads when stress and change get to us. This leaves us feeling miles apart from our partner and creates space for frustrations to mount.
I know we have been feeling the grumpies lately. We have very little snuggle time, someone is always on shift with the kids making us feel like ships passing in the night. These are some tools I implement with intention on a regular basis to keep us feeling good.
#1 - Eye Gazing
Eyes are powerful. They can share a lot about our current emotional state and they can make us feel uber vulnerable - hence why they can create instant connection. I know I find myself busy busy when Dan comes home. I scuttle around and barely acknowledge his arrival as I busy myself with whatever I am working on. It takes less than 60 seconds to stop. Look your partner in the eyeballs and say "hey - I see you are here and that makes me happy."
#2 - Mindful Touch
When was the last time you gave each other a full body hug?
When was the last time you just held each other for more than 10 seconds.
When was the last time you just snuggled on the couch and tickled each others fingers and relished in how nice it is to feel the other person next to you.
Mindful touch is an amazing connection tool. The key here is the mindful part. Deliberately choosing to hug for a while. Deliberately talking about making out for 20 min with no intention to have intercourse. Or deliberately trading massages and imagining your hands so full of love they might explode as you touch your partner.
Connection is in your hands. Literally.
#3 - Breathe Together
Breathing together brings your mind, heart and soul in sync. It's a connection that can feel more cosmic and more magical. Sit together. Hand on your hearts and match your breath so you are breathing in and out together. Do this for 21 breaths at a minimum or as long as you can. This is one of my favourites.
#4 - Share Gratitudes
Share gratitudes loves. I know i's a muscle we are all flexing these days. It's a supportive strategy during these COVID times. It helps in life and it helps mega in our relationships. It's really easy to slip into criticism and telling our partners what to do and what we need. We assume they know how much we love them - I mean we married them right?! But it's one thing to know it and it's another to feel it. Do you tell them that you love them? Do you share how grateful you are for... - their cute butt - their kind hands - the way they cook breakfast - how they helped you with xyz last night - they way they always know how to place a good joke to break the tension They need it more than you know. And so do you. So take the lead. Grab your partners hand. Look them straight in the eye and share three things you are grateful for about them. Then get them to share back with you. This simple practice. Done daily. Can melt hard walls and get you feeling good.
#5 - Learn Each other’s Love Language
Ever heard of the love languages friends? If not - google that shit?! Long story short we all use one of fives ways to share love and we all recognize love in one of five ways when it is shared with us. But how we speak love may not be how are partner processes love. If we went up in a missmatch we can run into trouble. For example - one of my exes was a gift giver. He bought me the most extravagant gifts. A new snowboard, a trip to see my friend. Generous and loving gifts. This is how he showed me he loved me. But I don't see gifts as love. I need lots of touch and lots of words of affirmation - things he didn't give me as much. The result - he was pouring out all this love to me and I was feeling totally unloved. Take the time to know how you share and process love. And take the time to know how your partner does too. Then make sure if there's a miss match that make the effort to speak your partners language from time to time. It works like magic.
What do you do to stave off the grumpies and feel connected, feel like a team?
Let me know in the comments.
Much love friends.