Where can I get Lady Friendly Porn?
Where can I get Lady Friendly Porn?
I don’t really remember the first time I watched porn. I remember finding some Letters to Penthouse and reading them aloud with my girlfriends when she was housesitting in grade 12. And I remember having a porn watching night with same said friends in our 20s. None of us had ever really watched it and we wanted to know what it was all about. We chose a random selection including one unfortunate title, Fresh Tits of Bellair. I actually liked the Letters to Penthouse. Something about the written form let me use my own imagination to picture the people and scenarios and make them real in my own way. The porn viewing night was, hilarious, and the thing I remember most was one of my best friends having this light bulb moment where she exclaimed, “that’s where men learn that vigorously rubbing a clit is supposed to do something”. It explained so much about her and our sexual experiences up to that point.
Porn is not a huge part of my repertoire but I’ll head over to youporn occasionally to spice up my imagination. I, like many of you that I speak with, struggle though, with the often and increasingly very violent and very troped scenes that we see. No storylines, no erotic tension, just a lot of vigorous rubbing, and loud moaning, and women being choked, tied, up, hurt and spit on.
It seems that if you are a woman your choice is to watch porn “like a man” or read a romance novel. There is a massive gap between these choices which, I believe, says a lot about how seriously our society takes female sexuality. That is to say- not seriously at all. Clearly our desires are relegated to the sweet, the romantic and the sultry - all pretty much one note - without a lot of flavour. Clearly you can’t respect women and have hot sex. More and more I am encountering women who really dismiss this notion and are calling for more. We want porn that reflects our erotic imagination, we want porn that stimulates instead of degrades, we want porn that is for us, and that treats our erotic appetites with the seriouness they deserve. There have been many efforts to femalify existing porn by women in the porn industry, and their efforts go a long way. Kudos to them. I also still find that many of my clients feel that this porn is still too - well porn-y. It’s hard to put your finger on it. The way I have found to express it is there is a difference between erotica, between the suggestion of sex, between the tension and arousal one can create, versus the actual watching of the act. So, with that in mind I’ve been searching the internet for you and I have come up with a few ideas to explore.
Just a quick note - that I have not sampled everything linked here. I provide it here as a starting point for you to dive in to the internets. I have done my best to screen for sites that are feminist friendly and approved but it’s not always possible.
1). My first tip is to take the visual out of it.I have a few friends who are romance novel aficionados and I was kinda judgemental about it. Then I tried it. While it can be hard to get past the crappy writing sometimes, what I love about this medium is that my imagination rules. I get to picture the man that turns me on, and someone else reading it gets to picture theirs. If you’ve never tried a romance novel you can give it a shot, or search for erotic short stories and poetry. You may have to experiment but you might find some favourites that you can read or read a loud to each other. If typical romance novels are not your thing I highly recommend checking out sex edcator and researcher Emily Nagoskis rewrites. She was so pissed off by 50 shades of grey that she wrote her own erotic novel - How Not to Let Go
2) Try teasing your ears
Another option if you are looking for something a little different is to find an erotica podcast. Once again, listening leaves more to the imagination and allows your other senses to be involved. Put one on on the drive home or listen in before you make love to turn you on.
I am new to Dipsea - a feminist, lady-run sexy audio story app which has all kinds of erotic stories that are story driven, model consensual and communicative sex and are sexy as hell.
The Kiss Me Quick Erotica Podcast .
The Knightly Pleasures Podcast
3) Try teasing your eyes - but not giving them the full meal deal
Did you know there is a whole world of sexy gif sharing on Tumbler? Tumbler is a blog engine and there is a whole underworld there where people save and share sexy gifs. A lot of it is BDSM or Kink related but what I love about this medium is it’s short, sensual, sexy gifts that play on repeat. So rather than need a whole story line or waiting for erotic tention to rise between not so great actors you can find gifs that capture that hot moment where you get thrown to the bed, that wet passionate kiss, fingers going into your panties, or any other moment you like. You can build your own private tumbler blog that becomes your own personalized porn real of only things you like and, for bonus points, you can create a love language with your partner by sharing sexy gifs as messages of what you’d like to have done to you. Check out a round-up here to get you started: SIDE NOTE you will need to create a tumbler account so your age can be verified to access most of these accounts.
Tumbler is also trying to clean up its reputaion so its beocming harder to access.
I also found some good stuff just google sexy gif.
4) Go more traditional but feminist or at least lady made.
Finally you can go the more traditional route but with a feminist twist. This means porn that follows a very visual film format but that is filmed by female porn makers, often with much more consent on sex, and driven by audience submissions for storylines and ideas. Check out this article glamour ran with a list of 15 sites that are more on the female friendly side.
A few personal favourites are :
Erika Lust Check our her Ted Talk here
And those are my ideas for your friends. I’d love to hear what you think and if you have any sources you use on the regular please share with me at sofia@thehappyvaginaproject.com
I’ll be taking a blogging break for the holidays. Catch you on the flip side and have a great holiday season.
Sofia