Are you resisting your sex life since kids?
Most of the ladies who reach out to me have had my website open on their computer for over six months. They’ve been debating and debating taking action, there’s a little voicing gnawing at them that there could be more to this whole sex thing since kids. They have a desire for easy, fun, flirtatious, connected sex. For their romantic connection to their partner to feel light and fun - they way it did before endless bedtime battles, sick days, and arguments over who is making lunch.
If your sex life is calling… maybe in your partners overt moves, maybe in your own desire to rebuild the romance, or maybe in that whisper that’s asking you to fan the flames of that little spark inside yourself, that version of you that’s not a busy mom/parent, a loving wife or partner, and a career boss babe.
Are you hearing her?
Maybe you curl up a in a ball of hopelessness at the thought of kickstarting your sex life - the victim, or you jump into blame and criticism of your partner when they try to make a move - the judge. Maybe you are spinning in overwhelm, trying all the things or none of the things, flaking out on sex dates, or not clicking yes to that program you have been eyeing forever - the flake. All of these versions of you are pieces of yourself that are showing up to protect you. They are resistance that shows up when we are facing change or growth or evolution that’s pushing our edges.
I had the great pleasure of attending a workshop with a mentor and coach I just love, Joanna Lindenbaum of Applied Depth Practitioner Institute las week. She was teaching a class on working with our resistance. These personalities: the judge, the victim, the flake, the perfectionist…. that show up to protect, what deep down is really a fear - of letting go, of becoming, of evolving, of transforming.
Because that’s what happens we have kiddos. We open up a portal of transformation both within ourselves, and in our relationship.
The ground totally shifts. The moves that used to work, the way our body used to respond, the connection we feel to our partner, and the connection we have to ourselves - all of these things can shift, make us shaky on our feet, unsure about how to move forward.
So if resistance is showing up for you:
maybe you get defensive and critical when your partner tries to bring up your sex life
maybe you dismiss it as unimportant and unworthy of your time
maybe you just don’t know how to proceed
We can remember that fear is a normal part of change and growth, so, naturally, resistance is part of change and growth. And if we can see it as normal, if instead of judging this response we can love it, we can thank it for showing us our edges, then we can transform it into clarity - and a path forward.
Our feelings are energy, they are messengers, here to show us what is calling us. Can you hear them?
So what do we do with this resistance?
The next time your partner makes a move, or the next time you want to initiate but hold yourself back - hit the pause button and take a few deep breaths - who is showing up to visit you? The Judge, the Victim, the Perfectionist, the Flake? What they might be trying to say or show you? Grab a pen and paper and write down all the thoughts they are trying to share with you, is there a pattern there, a fear underneath all that chatter that your body is trying to ignore?
What could be possible if you befriended this fear - heeded it’s message, got brave, and embraced what might be on the other side of the bridge?
I can tell you from personal experience, having faced the deep dark hole myself, that the view from the other side is pretty magnificent.
If you are feeling lost, if you’ve (ahem), had my site open for a while but haven’t taken action - then I have one teeny tiny step you can take to start. Grab my free Sex After Kids Libido Roadmap. It’s a 20 minute reflection that will help you pinpoint the three biggest factors affecting your sex drive right now and pinpoint your best next steps. It’s the first tiny little step you can take - to get clear with yourself about what’s in stopping you from having the fun, connected, sex that leaves you with a pep in your step and a smile on your face.
Talk soon babes,
Sofia - AKA The Happy V