Feeling Touched Out? 5 Tips for Intimacy
Feeling touched out, overstimulated, anxious and stressed can be total libido killers. When you’ve been at home with littles all day, or gone to work and come home to littles it’s pretty easy to walk right into sensory overload.
Screaming
Unregulated emotions
All the touching and grabbing and poking
Dealing with the fast paced and very loaded energy of littles
All of these things leave your senses in overload and your nervous system ramped up high. It’s no wonder at the end of the day we just want to hug an inert object and be left alone at the end of the night. And as appealing as that may sound - my husband did joke that he felt replaced by the maternity pillow while I was pregnant - I don’t really want to be married to a maternity pillow.
So what can you do? Here’s my top five tips.
Bonding Builds a Bridge - connect in non sexual ways first. Has it been a minute since you shared a good hug? When was the last time you played a game together, laughed together, or just literally looked into each other's eyes and shared what you appreciated about the other person? Laugh together, release the day and you may find yourself more open to intimacy.
Cleanse the Palette - If your nervous system is janky from a day or kids or work, and so is your partners. You need to clean out your energy system first. Can you offer each other 20 min each to take a bath, meditate, go for a walk, anything that creates a difference between the day-to-day and connecting together. Wash the day off literally and energetically so you are not having to handle the other person’s janky energy. This will make you more likely to interact. The best way to do this is to close your eyes, take some deep breaths, listen to the quiet. No stimulation or neutral stimulation for each of your senses.
Ask your Body What it Needs - once you have cleansed your palette - ask your body what it would like right now? Maybe it would love a hot bath, maybe some yummy strawberries, what forms of touch or sensory stimulation would be pleasing right now. Then ask yourself if your partner can participate in you meeting these needs. Can your partner feed you the strawberries? Can your partner pour bath water on your back? Can your partner put on some music they know you love? Can they rub your feet, massage your hands, whisper to you? Get creative about what would feel good and how you can provide this for each other. Think about each of your five senses - not just your sense of touch. Watch this vid on my favourite tools for tuning in to my needs now.
Take the pressure off - make out with no expectation. Play with things you want to do together but ditch any expectation that a penis will go in a vagina. This alone can open us up to wanting intercourse - counter intuitive but it’s how it works. Make it fun and playful.
Mutual Masturbation Friends - You might feel awkward about it - I have to admit, this has not been my go to for the longest time - but Oh My Gosh people - this can be fantastic. You don’t even have to look at each other. Just lie together and do your thing or maybe you have phone sex in your own house. Then no one is touching you, no one else’s energy is in the room - it’s just you and your imagination (the ultimate turn on tool). Hearing their breathing, feeling their turn on can be very arousing and a great way to connect without touching.
Those are my tips. Let me know what you are going to try or which one is your fave.
Sofia
PS - If you want some practical tools for taking the pressure off check out the Naked Sexy Fun Times Playbook. Step by step instructions for setting up a fun low pressure environment to play with each other. Grab it here: