5 Reasons to Start Your Puberty Talk Before Age 7
I hear it. That voice in your head that just said “WHAT THE SHIT LADY? I have to deal with this already?”! Take a deep breath.
Hear me out.
Puberty gets a bad rap, but it’s a really fascinating time. Put simply it’s when our body transforms from a kid body (aka a body that cannot make babies) to an adult body (or one that can make babies). It is our coming of age. That time of transition where we start the process of really experimenting with who we are. It’s a time that really sets the stage for what our relationship with ourselves and other people is going to look like.
Now that we are through our own puberty experience (yess long ago foggy memories though they may be), if we have brought small beings into this world it will soon (much too soon it feels like) be our time to usher them through their coming of age. In todays’ blog I want to share with you five reasons you want to start thinking about this sooner rather than later. I’ll be featuring more content like this in the months to come so make sure you are signed up for our weekly newsletter or follow us FB and Insta to get the goods right to your inbox. Before I start, some background. Why age 7? Well, puberty starts sometime around age 8 for bodies with vaginas, and 10 for bodies with penises. It can continue into a person’s 20s. Some people start early and continue for a long time. Some people have a short and sweet puberty in the middle and some folks start late and change quickly. It’s not the same for everyone. The earliest changes are typically growing feet and hands, growth spurts, and skin and body odour changes. In an ideal world you are talking to your toddlers about body parts and healthy loving touch so this conversation just slowly evolves over time to get more detailed. See my video on what to teach when for more details. Here’s why we should start this conversation early.
Preparation Prevents Panic
Lots of physical changes are in store. From acne and body odour, to sore knees from growth spurts. From new bodily fluids coming out of secret places, and up and down emotions that feel totally unmanageable. It’s pretty simple. When we know something is coming we are less likely to panic when it occurs. Imagine waking up to your first period believing you are dying at the sight of blood. Imagine waking up to a wet spot on your sheets and thinking your penis is sneezing goo. Your children are lifelong stewards of their physical body. Puberty is a key time to teach them the ins and outs of their biological functions and how to care for their, umm, equipment.
Without you the schoolyard will become their information source
“Did you know that your hands will get hairy if you masturbate?”“Oh yeah, your penis will fall off if you do that”In the absence of factual information our children turn to the next best source, their friends and the rumour mill. I don’t really have to tell you this is not ideal. Most of it is just silly but some of it can be downright harmful and misleading. Set the record straight. Your kids deserve to know the real goods about bodies, love, crushes and relationships.
Set the Stage for the Harder Conversations Right Now
Panic attacks about periods and wet dreams may seem like a big deal, but they pale in comparison to conversations about birth control, sex, healthy relationships, bullying, abuse and suicide. Now is the time to set the tone in your home - to let your kids know that:- all questions are good questions- they can ask you anything and you’ll find the answers together- that even though you might have a hard time with some of these subjects you want to be able to support them - that you are there for them Now is the time to practice fostering their curiosity, checking our own shame and taboo and not freaking out. When the bigger stuff comes you’ll have a relationship that can handle it.
Kids who know their bodies are less susceptible to abuse
We all want to keep our kids safe from the unthinkable. Knowledge is not the only prevention factor but it’s an important one. Kids who know their bodies, know their rights, know what sex is and know what abuse is are much less likely to be vicimized and are way more likely to report when something happened. “Don’t touch my vulva!!” is pure perpetrator repellant. Talking openly and honestly about bodies, sexuality, abuse and pornography as early as you can will build a confident and articulate child who can protect themselves against abuse.
Banish Sexual Shame and Taboo Sexual
Shame and taboo make us all weird and squirmy when it comes to sex, babies, and bodies (especially women’s bodies). Imagine a world with me for a moment where no one was ashamed of their body, where people didn’t seek sex for validation of their manliness or womanliness, where people could negotiate how to touch and love each other with respect and kindness. A world where sexualized abuse is not the norm. Sex positive kids are kids who think that sex is normal and healthy. Sex positive kids become sex positive adults who engage in healthy and respectful sex and relationships. These people raise kids who are the same, and on, and on. And thus we change the world. One positive, open, non-judgemental conversation with our kids at a time.
It’s a wild world out there parents, but you got this. If you are needing support to manage this conversation, maybe you need a primer on all things puberty, tools for talking to your kiddo or a safe space to vent about how hard it can all be - then I invite you to sign up for my puberty parenting membership waitlist. In March I’ll be launching a year long membership to support parents of pre-teens and teens with all that and more. Guest experts, on call support and all you need to manage puberty with knowledge and grace. Get the details here